Listen up!

You know when you're being listened to, you know when you're not.  I'm guessing you know what you prefer.  

It's not just because we are in the "Age of Distractibility" that's the new "thing" for 2014... I think it started a long time before that and for those who grew up as the children who should be "seen and not heard" well…I'm not sure the listening skills weren't taught very well at all.

Being listened to has a profound effect on the person talking. They feel safe & secure and that their presence counts. Being listened to creates an environment that builds trust.  That's what we want isn't it? An environment of trust…

What kind of listener are you?  Ask a lot of people and they'll probably tell you they are really good listeners, great listeners even!  Do people REALLY know what it takes to be a GREAT listener though?

It's more than just hearing a person, nodding in agreement then adding an opinion as a reply. There's a great quote that springs to mind right here…

“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; 

they listen with the intent to reply.” Stephen R. Covey

Listening has got to be about the person who's speaking, not about the person who's listening.  We must get ourselves out of the way so we can hear exactly what is being said without making it mean anything, without making assumptions about it, without the need to reply "to it".

So how can we be great listeners then? 

We can:

• Focus completely on the person speaking - make eye contact, assume rapport.

• Listen with empathy - accept that the person is doing the best they can with what they've got.  Accept that this is their interpretation of life.  Be curious to understand.

• Listen without interrupting - oh boy this is a big one! How often do you find yourself interrupting because you think that what's popped into your head is relevant and important?  Just shhhh! Your turn will come when they've been heard, understood and are ready for you. 

• Keep your but's in the chair (or your pants) whatever's relevant - no more YEAH BUT… no more BUT… This is an acknowledgement, trust and conversation KILLER! The BUT negates all of what you just heard. Begin with YES (the acknowledgement) and follow it with AND (now you're adding value).

• If you don't understand something ASK for clarification. 

It's ok just to listen silently if the person you are listening to just needs to talk. They will be grateful that you held the space and didn't try to "fix it".  Remember to ask permission first to challenge someone on their thinking before jumping in.

Not everyone is ready for change so they won't hear it anyway.

Those that are - will be willing and happy - to LISTEN.